Reflections and Regrets.

"The human animal is a beautiful and terrible creature, capable of limitless compassion and unfathomable cruelty. If you wish to find that which becomes the dividing line between mankind and other biological classifications, it rests not in brain size, dominance, or even emotional capability, but lies in the unique capacity for human beings to reflect on their actions and show regret, what is most certainly the ability to empathize, that gives them their position. All mammals understand love and affection, but only man shows the propensity to place himself into the shoes of another life-form. Losing this capability, among individuals of this species, reduces them below their much heralded position, and readies the climate for the likely fall of man, the fall from grace." The Cruxshadows Sophia Single 2006 Album Dreamcypher 2007

I don't know why but this passage from the song Sophia has stood out for me over the past few days, more so in the last 24 hours hell I've been playing it almost nonstop there is something there about it maybe it helps me explain to myself my actions to my Ex-girlfriend.

There are many things I have regretted over my life and I am sure there are more to come, but I cannot dwell on them forever. A part of me would love to know what I could do by way of penance but I don't think there is all that much I could do, not now, its too late for that now. I'll freely admit I am open to suggestions but I cannot and will not go to the extremes, nor can I go against my own personality of a free spirit and basic good nature.

The relationship we had was destructive to the both of us but I have a more brutally robust psyche than the Ex-girlfriend, but only because I come from a brutal world full of pain, abuse and betrayal. To explain,until recently the British Army dehumanized their recruits and programmed them to see all other life as beneath them. This lead to a great number of abusive relationships and bitter men left to rot in their homes, no other force before that other than the Spartans has ever done this. I am sure that the person that my father had become because of this rubbed off on me in a way, I do not feel that I have an abusive personality disorder but that has yet to be seen.

I have an idea when it comes to my own home once I have it, when ever that may be. but I will not bore you with the details. Brightest Blessings.
Steven