This blog is again to keep a promise to those who read this, I promised to explain my playing of Wendy and I shall endeavour to do so here today. In one of my more lucid moments last February I saw how Wendy was and what she had become so I resolved to change that, now that meant playing the addict for a bit and slowing my own recovery while pocking and proding her in all of the ways that I knew would annoy her.
Cruel I know but there are times when you just have to no matter how distasteful it is to yourself, the strategy was just that in order to do her the most good I would have to be a vile little shit and keep pushing her. It was not easy as Wendy is at best difficult to annoy, but I knew there would be crack in that armour of defeat and acceptance of her lot in life. So the game had to begin there and then the trick was to be careful, I had a role to play and I had to play it 24/7 not an easy feat to do while keeping a hold of your true self in the mean time. A problem faced by all undercover police officers, the one thing I worried about was if the mask slipped and Wendy got a hint of what was going on, she almost did several times so I had to think fast to throw her off the scent.
Every time I saw her cry in frustration and pain it hurt but I had to carry on because it was ultimately for her own good, so I put my feelings aside and put the mask of cuel indifference on firmly. I feel I have to explain the term "The Long Game" it is a euphomism for a long term plan or strategy with a beneficial outcome for one or both parties, in this case both of us in the relationship.
Now I know Wendy has the strength and determination to move on and achieve what she can inspite of her conditions and take nomore shit from anybody even me.
I am a bastard but one with a good heart, and you know what? I think I can live with it.
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