Yesterday I finally got myself a copy of Halo Combat Evolved Anniversary and I found myself crying as the first intro cut scene played through, this isn't unusual for me as I have found myself moved to tears many times before. Mostly by pieces of music and movies like Marley and Me all of which are designed to elicit emotional responses of one kind or another, this time the tears were of pure joy of seeing and hearing the voices of beloved characters. To be totally honest I have had to control my emotions since childhood in order to protect myself from them and the possible aftermath of their escape in volatile situations.
This is of course where I would normally rial and rage about how someone denied me that little pleasure of gaming for one reason or another but frankly that is done as 343 Guilty Spark states "What was once can never be again." and in the case of myself and the Ex-girlfriend that is true. I will admit to feeling very unsure of myself when it comes to women now as I have had to endure a feeling of guilt that is not entirely appropriate for me, true I am responsible in part for her condition but as for everything else in that "relationship" I have said my peace in previous blogs and no matter what she states I will not move from that position her blaming of me for her choices will only harm herself in the long run along with the dodge of "I'm not perfect" my answer to all who say that is No Shit Sherlock admit to who you are and get on with it. I may be a very sensitive person who will withdraw when a situation starts to hurt me in any way and has jack shit sympathy to those who attempt suicide on a regular basis.
But I digress, I have found myself smiling and laughing to myself about the smallest of things as the days go by, like for instance I have found a song that makes me feel good and that is the Panzer lied a song from World War Two All I'll say here is look it up if you want to find out more. along with a Japanese metal band called Exist Trace. But nothing I have found compared to the joy I felt when I heard the opening line "All I want to know is did we lose them?" and the saw the words "Unseal the hushed casket". Yes it's sad of me to find joy in that but after a relationship that has left me unsure of myself and the concept of love I just need this little happiness.
Well its time for me to stop writing now so I with you love and Brightest Blessings in all that you chose to do.
Steven.
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