New beginnings

Well I think its beyond time I wrote something positive here, I have been writing again about Ahab after re imagining his creation and what the Vampyre virus is along with his nemesis and their origins. I'm sure you have noticed the odd spelling of vampire, both are valid the first spelling is older and stems from the eastern European legends.of course this has not been the easiest of tasks with a keyboard that likes to skip the odd letter even when I've pushed the bloody thing.

I'm also back Gaming, when I like and for as long as I like without it being used as a carrot that was unattainable because of "trust" issues, just one of the many things that narked the fuck out of me when it came to my late relationship. Well all good things and all that jazz, the only thing I wish I had here was some fucking privacy. Okay back to what I was saying, I have my own Xbox 360 finally its an old core system but with a couple of soft-mods of an inter-cooler and hard-drive and a couple of wired controllers (saving on battery costs) and as an extra I picked up a memory card to go play with my mates.

of course these positives in my life do come with downsides, one is having to find a new home as frankly I have jack shit rights as a single white male and a limited income while on the dole so private housing is a problem at best. The other is trust, how can I trust someone after Wendy? you see while I was with her I trusted her with her medication, her health, and my heart. She repeatedly failed the health and she stopped her anti psychotics, one of the most retarded moves I have seen in a while. The other is Cameron's pointless veto of the new European treaty which would have ultimately helped the British economy.


I also have been unpicking a lot of that doomed relationship and realised I was being controlled by Wendy not the other way round, but I decided to say fuck it and forgive her. I cannot have a relationship with her and I should never have had one with her no matter how much I loved, and still do love her. She has learned the wrong lessons from her family and she needs to learn that not every man who wants to get close to her is going to or indeed wants to control and abuse her, I sure as hell didn't I actually wanted to be there for her and love her I just had no clue on how to do that, being something of an emotionally closed individual and hermit that I am; though ultimately loyal to those I choose to be with even to the detriment of myself and any future I was planning.

So this new year I will be hoping to get a place of my own while becoming a more peaceful laid back individual that I am. I leave it up to the ex girlfriend to open any lines of communication with me, I have not blocked her in any way or for any foolhardy reason.