A note to Wendy

I thank you for your post but my reasoning for doing what I did was purely academic and inspired by a claim form from Warwick Crown Court on behalf of the YMCA due to the non payment of the rent arrears on 66 Knowle close, I'm sure if you look back at the relationship through the eyes of history you will have to accept that our relationship was very abusive on both sides when guests were not around and that your handling of the budget was at times lackluster. Hell I'm still paying for it now in the form of crisis loan repayments for loans I took out in my name back when we were together. My main skill is to examine the past with a totally cold sterile eye I have done this with my past choices well before I met you.

As for the whole bitterness thing you could not be more wrong, you told me on many occasions that you could not read me. This is but yet another time you have failed to read me and what I wrote correctly, I will admit I am angry that you have refused to take responsibility for your actions in our relationship and your apologies are frankly poor attempt at a subject dodge. On the whole I could not care less whether you have a pulse or not and having everyone we mutually know tell me of your actions I frankly find annoying (but you can't control others) and your complaining that I took your 'spark' is wrong you killed that yourself with me you could have done anything you wanted but you did not which pissed me off royally. failing to achieve a goal is one thing but giving up completely without a proper attempt is a whole different ball game.

I read your blogs that show how good things are for you and I smile because I am genuinely glad that you are going ahead with your life and those where you admit to doing something stupid (anti-psychotics) I feel very disappointed in you because I know you can do a lot better, you do not need to be better than me or fat load just your self and strive to be better that the angry teen I know is still sitting in there.

Remember the Talmud excerpt I said when we were seeing dawn.

"We do not see the world as it is,

we see the world as we are."

Deep down I am a relentlessly happy individual who sees everything as a joke and in that I am happy if that irritated you when we were together, well that is your problem, I may not show it but I am always chuckling on the inside. I did say when we got together that I was happy with who I was with the exception of my weight.

I'm glad you are happy and give my love to Patch I hope he gets better and keeps kicking for a few more good years yet. I am down to 15 stone now in less than a month, just four more stone to go.

Steven