Transit review 2

To continue roughly from where I left off last time, I see myself as having a responsibility to Wendy for the condition she lives with. You see (I may have partially explained this earlier but I cannot stress this enough) if it was not for me Wendy's Asthma would not be in the state that it is in now. My flat at the time was a frank bomb site and was just used as a bedroom and I never bothered to clean the place, I cannot describe how bad it was but it housed a great deal of dust and germs. Because of that when I pulled her out of her place in Ivor road which had no heating, I nigh on killed her and for that I carry a great sense of responsibility if not guilt for those actions.

I have seen her at her worst and I did not run, I was frankly scared out of my mind and was pacing like a caged tiger until the nurses allowed me into the Resuscitation room and frankly nobody looks good after being zapped by a defibrillator. I frankly did not look good as I was close to tearing through the wall to get to her, and I would do so again if I had to. I hope to god this new gentleman doesn't run when he sees her at her worst, but she knows I will not if all else fails yes I am the safe bet not the best but at least I am dependable.

I do have to admit I do feel rather lost and empty without Wendy in my life as she at least gave me some sort of purpose. Even though I could never relax because she would never listen and push herself into an attack, or she had an image of me that was created out of some twisted homunculus of the worst of her family and my family along with every other negative experience of men she had. All of which was powered by a poorly controlled personality disorder  (I'll leave the whole being my mother malarkey alone), there are things I would love to do with her but I cannot and that drives me nuts and highlights to me the sheer loneliness I feel everyday and that hurts.

I do wish her every happiness with this new individual, she needs to remember though I will be there for her if she needs me to be. Wendy's Asthma is a scary thing to deal with and it made me panic on more than one occasion, and if this guy does what Tom does I would be there for her if she asks. Not out of duty but Love and if she wanted I would give it another go. Just remember all I wanted from Wendy was a girlfriend nothing more.

Good luck and love.
Steven