A few more points.

Carrying on from last blog, I posed my concerns for Wendy and her new relationship. The reason for this is a simple but highly advanced piece of maths, you see all social networking sites are designed, to an extent, to surround you with yes-men. Face book has a little default algorithm for this. You can find it on cracked.com in an article called 5 Scientific ways the internet is dividing us, if you don't tell Facebook otherwise you will only be given what that algorithm understands is you like. Now if you know anything about celebrates, you will know that one of the reasons that they go crazy at times is because they are surrounded by yes-men and to stay healthy in the brain department you often need to hear no just to stay grounded. Now I posted this because I care and love Wendy of course, but also as a friend. My understanding of the term friend puts me in the position of having the responsibility to say exactly what you don't want to hear, but need to hear anyway.

Looking back over my failed relationship with Wendy I remember that when she addressed me she nearly always did it through or around a monitor, handheld or the TV screen, which I actually found incredibly rude and anti-social. With the space and clarity afforded to me by hindsight, I see that Wendy has a great deal of trouble forming a stable and lasting relationship with a person face to face, other than as friends, and that her Comfort Zone is the Persona of the digital world. This safety net of hers exists because of her family and the abuse they put her through or that she witnessed between her mom and dad, and as children the way our parents interact is how we learn what a relationship is and how they work. I know and understand that the relationship my parents had was not a functioning one nor was it how a relationship should actually be, I sort of understood it from a fairly early age and I worked out that what I was shown on TV was generally.

I know that Wendy is capable of speaking for herself about what I write and she is capable of standing up for herself, if she is able to start a fight with me she can have a proper discussion with me about this as well and look me in the eye while doing so. I also know she will dodge this like a piss poor politician and so I offer her a challenge, comment or talk to me without any defense mechanisms in play. If she does not do either this tells me a few things:

1. She actually has feelings for me and is just afraid of what they are and where they could lead to if she puts the work in to it and changes from thinking ME and changes to WE.
2. She doesn't really read what I write and only pays lip service to anything.

Now a note to Becky, do not speak for Wendy she has come to rely on you to run interference and even if she hasn't stop lest she actually does. Wendy needs to face this properly and tie up lose ends once and for all. I started this Blog talking about Comfort Zones and how bad they actually are for you. Wendy however; has gone straight into hers because, I theorize, that she knows she has fucked up what could have been a good thing and she is punishing herself with what she understands as a relationship and Wendy is only failing herself by going back into the faceless mask of internet dating. I only see bad things with this form of dating and my intuition (yes we men have it too) screams that what someone I honestly care about is doing will kill her.

I leave you now with a quote:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Marianne Williamson Return to Love  Chapter 7 section 3

Don't be afraid to Shine.
Steven